The key speaker for the event was a founding member of our organization (pictured on right). His key insights and vast experience in the development and implementation of creative revenue generating plans have been instrumental in our proposals for this upcoming session.

Below is the proposed three-prong plan as set forth by the Northern Kentucky Chamber of Communists:

1) Infrastructure Stress & Obesity Reduction Edict

The I.S.O.R.E. revenue plan is to enable our beloved Communist-wealth to raise the money needed for such infrastructure projects such as highways, bridges, riverboats, luxury vehicles for Education Ministers, and similar. This revenue will be determined by how much stress an individual inflicts upon our public thoroughfares and walkways. Each citizen of Kentucky will be weighed annually and taxed per pound according to their weight. As the citizens still have the ill-founded illusion that they are still Capitalist pigs, we will tax at the current market rate for ham, which at the Ft. Mitchell (where our HQ is located) Remke Market is currently $5.99 a lb. Therefore, under I.S.O.R.E., an average Kentucky adult, per our calculation, weighs approximately 167 pounds x $5.99/lb multiplied by the approximate adult population of Kentucky, 3.2 million would equal a net income annually of $3,201,056,000. Quite like the smoking cessation reasoning behind higher cigarette taxes, we believe this tax will not only help pay for repairing existing and creating new infrastructure, but will also stringently encourage citizens to lose weight in order to be taxed at a lower rate. This tax rate will stay in effect until everyone is at their appropriate weight. Therefore, no crumbling infrastructure, no fat people, equals no I.S.O.R.E.s.

2) Smoking Commencement Tax

The theory behind this initiative is; what good is a tax if we are not collecting revenue from it? With the increase of cigarette taxes leading to smokers choosing cessation over paying the extra tax per pack, the Chamber of Communists proposes a tax plan that will encourage citizens to begin smoking in order to increase revenue from the new cigarette taxes. We are not sure what imbecile originally proposed a tax increase which would lead to the lowering of taxes generated, but we hope that they are currently suffering in the lowest, nastiest pit of Hell (if we believed in such as place). This tax will calculate revenue owed on a different number of factors based on studies of current smoker demographics, including race, age, gender, education, economic standing, and a few others that we do not want you to know, but are integral to the calculation and you will just have to take our word for that.

To induce new smokers, we will take the proposed cigarette per pack tax rate of $1.00 and divide it by the percentage of non-smokers in the State of the citizens same race, gender, and economic standing and multiply it by one pack a day or 365 (except in leap years). Therefore, a white males, over 40, college educated, incomes over $75,000/yr have a non-smoking rate of 81%. A person in this classification would owe $1.00 divided by .81 multiplied by 365 which would be an annual tax rate of $450.67. For average adult smokers in Kentucky the rate would be approximately $300/yr times Kentucky non-smokers (2.4M) would be a yearly revenue of $72,000,000. This encourages more people to smoke avoid the Smoking Commencement Tax, but encourages them to smoke very little to avoid the higher taxes on cigarettes. The Communist-wealth will take in more revenue from a larger population with only slight health problems instead of major health problems. In the long run, it is revenue neutral, but can provide much need funds immediately.

3) Traditional Tax Method

Our final prong has been a staple in revenue generating and Chamber of Communist proposals from the inception.

If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. If it stops moving, subsidize it.

The yearly revenue generated by this method will be; well let us just say it will be a surprise you can look forward to on April 15th.

That is the official Northern Kentucky Chamber of Communists revenue proposal for the 2009 Session of the Communist-wealth of Kentucky Supreme Soviet. This plan is estimated to bring in a god-awful (if we believed in God) amount of revenue over the next year.

And always remember, when I am gone, the capitalists will drown you like blind kittens!

Josef Stanlin Lampesky, NKYCCP